Passive-Aggressive Facebook Statuses

I don't consider this a "real" blog but more of a vent. I'm so sick of people on my facebook page passive-aggressively slamming the way other people either choose or have to live their lives. It's very un-Christlike and hurtful. Not everyone can live an "all natural" life. Not everyone is in the position to do things what may ultimately be the best or healthiest, but we do the best we can given our situations. Get off your high horse and stop trying to make yourself feel better than everyone else by boasting about the way you live yours!

Being Written Off

My brother and I haven't spoken in 12-1/2 years. I won't go into all the details, but mostly what happened had more to do with a third party than anything else. I don't remember all that happened, and I'm certain he doesn't either.

I don't know a lot about my brother's life over the past dozen years, but I do know a little. He joined the military seemingly to escape being a father (he has a stepson and a biological son). He has never really been there for his boys. When he does come into town to visit, he usually doesn't even tell them he's coming so he can avoid seeing them. This breaks my heart. I can't stand going several hours without seeing my children let alone such long periods of time without giving them a second thought. Over the years, my brother has fought in wars and once got so sick he almost died. I know he has been through a lot, and I would never deny that.

Recently my brother came into town. My mother told me he wanted to see me and meet my children. I was ecstatic. A day or two after he got here, my mom called me very upset stating that my brother didn't want to see me. I was crushed. I still am. He rejected me, and he rejected my children who don't even know him. When I told my oldest two daughters this, they bravely went up to my mom's house and confronted him. Not only did they confront him, they tore into him. He didn't have a good excuse. He claims it has to do with me not speaking to my mom for 10 years after she hurt me over and over again. Everyone has pretty much admitted I was in the right for walking away from the drama and emotional abuse like I did. I'm all about forgiveness, but I don't believe I have to take abuse from anyone over and over again. Anyway, this was a convenient excuse for him. My mother and I have patched things up and get along just fine now. I'm very proud of my girls for defending me like they did. If it all went down like they said, they won!

Again, I'm very hurt. Mostly, though, I pity my brother. Anyone carrying around that much anger and hatred has to be miserable. There's just no way he's happy. I hate that he's choosing that sort of life for himself.

Anyway, my brother has since gone back to his home in Missouri. He didn't contact me. He told my daughters whether it be Heaven or Hell, this is a grudge he won't let go of. Now I have to somehow accept that I'm basically dead in my brother's eyes. I'm absolutely heartbroken. Unless a miracle happens, I'll never see my brother again.

What's the blessing in all this, you ask? Beats the heck out of me. I know it's there. Maybe it's a lesson in love and forgiveness for me because every once in a while a little anger at him creeps in. I need to squelch that right away. I love my brother. I'm not mad at him. Any anger I feel is fleeting

One Huge Blessing in These Tough Times

Ugh. I keep forgetting to come here and post every night. My goal is to keep a blog counting my daily blessings, no matter how big or small. Today I have a big one.

The economy is a disaster, and we're really feeling it here at home. What we used to spend on two carts full of food at the market, we now spend on one. Gas to heat our homes and electric have gone through the roof. Water is higher. Clothing is set to go up in price this year. I won't even talk about fuel prices for our cars. Thank God I don't drive that often. A tank of gas can last me a month sometimes, which is a true blessing.

Here's the biggie. We've been living in the same house now for 14 years. We moved in here when we had just two children. It was one side of a duplex, and we fit just fine. We had another baby a year later and still had enough room. Over the years, we continued to grow our family and ended up having three more children all the while living in a tiny three-bedroom duplex. It was rough, but the rent was a cheap $300 a month. Our home was owned by our neighbor's son. Our neighbor sadly died last summer. It was really hard because we really cared for him. His son doesn't live in our town and didn't want to deal with maintaining the house so offered to let us bust open the walls and make it one giant house. This was a double blessing because not only is it so much roomier, but they only asked us to pay an extra $100 a month to cover taxes. Nowhere in this country can you rent a house half the size of what we have for $400 a month. Okay, so here's another blessing. They want us to buy the house. They just don't want it anymore and will put it up for sale if we don't buy it. Last summer my WONDERFUL mother-in-law went to be with the Lord. She was a truly fabulous lady, and I miss her every single day. Her estate wasn't enormous, but she left us enough that we'll be able to not only buy the house but also pay for it in full if we so desire, possibly within the next few months. Even if we go without a down payment, which may be possible but not what I want to do, our mortgage payment will be less than our rent payment now. That's how cheap they're selling us the house! Now, it isn't a fancy house at all, but in these hard economic times I just want a place to live in that we can afford and won't be thrown out of if one of us loses our job. THIS, my friends, is a HUGE blessing! Many people are losing their homes right now, so I'm very thankful that we're able to secure ours.

My Photogenic Girl

Out of my seven children, I have two who are very photogenic. My 4-year-old, Lydia, is by far the most photogenic of them all. The camera just loves her. I'm slowly teaching myself photography, and I hope one day to make a little money on the side doing portraits. I get a ton of practice with Lydia. Sometimes I worry that the other kids might think I favor her, but in reality I know they completely get that she takes great pictures and makes learning so much easier for me. I remember being young and taking tons of pictures of myself hoping to get just one good one. Talk about expensive! We didn't have digital cameras back then. Lydia, on the other hand, takes tons of pictures and might get one bad one in the bunch if at all. What a blessing for her!

Besides the fact that Lydia is so photogenic, she's just a great little girl. She's a little spitfire! She definitely has attitude but can also be the sweetest girl in the world, and she's a GREAT big sister to Phoebe. She just loves her! When I was pregnant with Lydia, I really wanted a boy. Now I'm not sure why. I'm so blessed to have her.

Dining Room Update

Things are coming together. The walls are a pretty shade of light yellow, and the new blinds and curtains are up. Hopefully in the next few days we'll get the border up then I'll just be waiting on Mike to sand the floor, which looks horrendous, and put trim around the bottom of the walls and archway. My dining room definitely looks much better. That's a blessing! Oh, and Phoebe was a little angel for me while I did the painting. She sat in her swing and barely made a peep. I love her!

The Ugliest Dining Room in the World

Our dining room is atrocious. It's just ugly. I'm one of those people that has no knack for decorating. Our wooden floor, for starters, needs sanded. It's simply a mess. We have absolutely no trim around the bottom of our dining room walls because when we moved in we had to remove it because cats peed all over it and stunk up the room. We have to replace it all. Anyway, the walls are, well, I don't even know. I can't describe the color, yet I'm the one who picked it out. The curtains are burgundy. We have no blinds, so our curtains are always closed. The room is as dark as can be and looks like a cave.

Tomorrow it all changes. The walls will be painted light yellow with pretty sunflower border going around the center of the walls. Our new curtains are off white, and we'll finally have blinds. No, it won't be finished tomorrow; but I'm excited I'll very soon have a dining room I don't have to be completely ashamed of. I can't wait!

Back from a Brief Hiatus...

I've been so blog lazy lately. I haven't completely forgotten about my blog. I'm just so tired at the end of the night that I can't bring myself to even log in. I need to do this, though. I'm determined to "count my blessings" every day. Here goes.

I spent more than the first half of the day hanging out in bed with my baby. We played, and we slept. I read a little and watched some TV. It was relaxing. Later we went to Walmart where we made the decision to buy our six oldest kids each a netbook. No, we don't have money to just throw around; and we don't make a habit of making big purchases like this for our kids. We decided to use some of our tax return to buy them a very early Christmas gift. Every year a Christmastime I go way overboard. I work extra hours and stress over finding things they'll like. I always end up buying them way too much, and they never end up using at least half of what I buy them. This year will be different. They'll have their own little laptops many, many months in advance. Other than that, they'll probably just get some clothes or a few other small things they NEED not WANT. I like this idea. So, yes, in a sense, they're still having a "big" Christmas; but after this year I really do plan to scale back quite a bit. I can see now I've "ruined" Christmas buy basically teaching them to expect a huge amount of gifts under the tree. I spend the entire season stressing over making Christmas big. By the end of Christmas day, without fail I ALWAYS feel let down. I can't do it anymore. It's time to change how this family celebrates Christmas. Even though they got a big gift early, there will be far fewer gifts under the tree this year. I'm looking forward to it.

My Thoughts on Tithing

To be honest, I don't know for sure whether Christians are "required" to tithe. In a sense, it doesn't matter to me. I still do it. I don't do it in the way most do, though. I give my tithe to organizations that feed the hungry and help those less fortunate, specifically in third-world countries. I know most would say I should be tithing to my church, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that because I know the full 10% won't go to helping people who really need it. Face it. Churches have bills to pay and a pastor that receives a salary out of our tithes. To me, church bills and the pastor's salary should come out of offerings. The first 10% should go to doing the Lord's work, and He wants us helping those who have less than we do. He wants us helping the helpless, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and helping the sick to receive medical care. Just imagine how much of this would be accomplished if every Christian tithed their money to a Christian organization whose purpose was to provide these services first and foremost. The whole world would change! It would be a much better place. I know 10% is a lot to some people; it is to me. I've decided, though, to trust that God would provide all of our needs after that 10% is gone. He hasn't let me down.

Spring is Here!

There are many signs of spring in the air: The warmer temps, a few buds on the trees, longer days, etc. This isn't how I know spring is here, though. How I came to realize spring has finally hit was tonight at my mother-in-law's house I was minding my own business when all of a sudden a gigantic black spider came running at the speed of light out from underneath the couch. I screamed, and Phoebe miraculously slept through it. Where's the blessing in this, you ask? My brother-in-law saved the day and smashed it, thank God, but now I feel like I'm going to have to inspect everything out there for spiders before getting too comfortable in any one area. Happy Spring!

Coloring is Exhausting!

Apparently coloring can wear a girl out. This is how I found Lydia this afternoon when she ditched me downstairs for my bedroom.

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, and Nuclear Meltdowns, Oh My!

I was just reading a post on a Christian parenting website I frequent regularly. I'm not a super active poster, but today I felt compelled to say something. A discussion was started about the end times, and a lady felt the need to say that God is punishing Japan for being a "Godless country." How can anyone say this with such certainty? I'm a Christian, and I do believe God has and may still exercise His judgment through natural disasters. I also believe that sometimes natural disasters are just that - natural disasters. Who are we to presume the Japanese people are being punished for not being a Christian nation? Yes, they've been hit hard. They've experienced a huge earthquake, a terrifying and deadly tsunami, many are homeless, food and water are scarce, and now an uncertain nuclear situation to boot. Just because so many bad things are happening at once doesn't mean God is punishing the Japanese people. It very well could just be one horrible natural disaster followed by a chain reaction of other terrible disasters. Is it possible God is doing this? I guess it's just as possible as anything else. One thing I do know, though, is God is no respecter of persons. We in the United States are no more special than anyone else. Events just as horrific could very well happen here, and it wouldn't necessarily mean God was pouring out His judgment on us either. As I said, it's always possible. It's just not our job to decide that.

Right now I'm feeling very blessed. I see the horrific images on TV, and I know this could very well be my family someday. I see the sweet children, and my heart breaks. My children have full bellies and are warm in their beds. Right now I'm sitting here watching the news instead of BEING the news. I'm very blessed.

Counting My Blessings

It's 1:18 a.m. I should be asleep. Instead, I'm starting a blog. Actually, I started a blog years ago then abandoned, but tonight I'm starting fresh.

Finding a blog title was difficult. I wanted something witty or a play on words but decided on "Counting My Blessings" because I figure this may be the last thing I do before going to bed most nights, so I'll be "counting my blessings" by blogging instead of counting sheep. :) Yeah, yeah. That was stupid. Give me a break. Coming up with something to write isn't easy when you're not used to having to do it.

I'm going to write about one thing tonight, and it's really what inspired my blog title "Counting My Blessings." I have seven children. Of course, they're all blessings, but tonight I'm blogging about one in particular. She's my seventh child, and her name is Phoebe. She's 3 months old and so perfect. Her birth was relatively quick. I was in labor 2.5 hours from start to finish, which is typical for me. I had trouble with the epidural for a while. It was a little scary, but it eventually worked out. When it came time to push, things really became scary. Her head delivered very quickly, but her shoulders got stuck. My doctor was yelling for help, and several nurses came running into the room. It's called shoulder dystocia. It's when the head delivers, but the shoulders get stuck. It was incredibly painful and very scary, but my doctor saved the day and got her out.

Okay, I see how this can sound like it's not really that big of a deal, right? Well, read on. I had no idea just how serious shoulder dystocia is. I knew it wasn't a good thing but really knew little about it. I had never experienced it before and didn't know anyone else who had. One night while watching "One Born Every Minute" there was a woman who experienced this exact thing. That's when I realized just how serious shoulder dystocia is. Babies die from this. Her baby was born and looked lifeless. I cried my eyes out when I saw her and realized what could've happened to my Phoebe. A labor-and-delivery nurse on one of my message boards just told me the other day that shoulder dystocia is the absolute worst thing that could happen in the delivery room outside of fetal death. She said when it happens she literally gets sick to her stomach. Not every case of shoulder dystocia ends as happily as mine did. My baby girl was born healthy at 9 pounds 5 ounces with no injuries. We're blessed. We're blessed for a lot of reasons, but this is the one that's on my mind all the time now. I still cry when I think about what could've happened, but I then thank God (again) for blessing us with a good outcome and a beautiful baby.