My brother and I haven't spoken in 12-1/2 years. I won't go into all the details, but mostly what happened had more to do with a third party than anything else. I don't remember all that happened, and I'm certain he doesn't either.
I don't know a lot about my brother's life over the past dozen years, but I do know a little. He joined the military seemingly to escape being a father (he has a stepson and a biological son). He has never really been there for his boys. When he does come into town to visit, he usually doesn't even tell them he's coming so he can avoid seeing them. This breaks my heart. I can't stand going several hours without seeing my children let alone such long periods of time without giving them a second thought. Over the years, my brother has fought in wars and once got so sick he almost died. I know he has been through a lot, and I would never deny that.
Recently my brother came into town. My mother told me he wanted to see me and meet my children. I was ecstatic. A day or two after he got here, my mom called me very upset stating that my brother didn't want to see me. I was crushed. I still am. He rejected me, and he rejected my children who don't even know him. When I told my oldest two daughters this, they bravely went up to my mom's house and confronted him. Not only did they confront him, they tore into him. He didn't have a good excuse. He claims it has to do with me not speaking to my mom for 10 years after she hurt me over and over again. Everyone has pretty much admitted I was in the right for walking away from the drama and emotional abuse like I did. I'm all about forgiveness, but I don't believe I have to take abuse from anyone over and over again. Anyway, this was a convenient excuse for him. My mother and I have patched things up and get along just fine now. I'm very proud of my girls for defending me like they did. If it all went down like they said, they won!
Again, I'm very hurt. Mostly, though, I pity my brother. Anyone carrying around that much anger and hatred has to be miserable. There's just no way he's happy. I hate that he's choosing that sort of life for himself.
Anyway, my brother has since gone back to his home in Missouri. He didn't contact me. He told my daughters whether it be Heaven or Hell, this is a grudge he won't let go of. Now I have to somehow accept that I'm basically dead in my brother's eyes. I'm absolutely heartbroken. Unless a miracle happens, I'll never see my brother again.
What's the blessing in all this, you ask? Beats the heck out of me. I know it's there. Maybe it's a lesson in love and forgiveness for me because every once in a while a little anger at him creeps in. I need to squelch that right away. I love my brother. I'm not mad at him. Any anger I feel is fleeting
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